Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
