Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
