so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
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