I am in a vortex of obligation.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
He did a backflip because drugs
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