hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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