You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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