I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Randomize
