I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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