Just took my morning after pill in the library
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
she pinky promised me she was 18
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I would fuck him just for his dog
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
