She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
