so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
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