I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
