You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
