Michael Bay diarrhea
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
