Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
