i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
50% drunk capacity currently
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Let the clothes fall where they may.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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