ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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