i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
