I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
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