my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
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