Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
