im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
