i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
