you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
