Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
