I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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