i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
