Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
