Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
