how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
