i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
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