Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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