im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Randomize
