Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
he thought i was a dude.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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