thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
