He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
