I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
