So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
