I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
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