Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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