i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
