I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize