I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
