It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Randomize
