she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize