just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
