So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
