Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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