the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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