conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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