so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
