I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
where are you?
Hypothermia
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
