its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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