good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Randomize
