I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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