i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
