Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
