She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
