I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
our cab driver is having phone sex.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
