I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
