stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
They have beer where we have blood.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize