hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
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