Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
