Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
