No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I love you.
Bad choice
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