I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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