So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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