Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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