It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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