We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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