Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
