i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
