I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
