so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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