in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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