either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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