Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
