Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Randomize