Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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