i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
