I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
