woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
