Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
